Stop Telling Me to Do More and Stop Telling Me to Slow Down

Or Why Finding Your Own Rhythm Matters More Than Following Someone Else's Rules

One of the most confusing parts of my healing journey wasn't learning to love myself.

It was trying to understand what people actually meant when they gave me advice.

One day I would hear:

"You're not doing enough. You're meant to help more people."

The next day, I'd hear:

"Slow down. Put yourself first."

Which one was true?

Should I create more?

Or should I rest?

Should I push myself?

Or should I protect my energy?

For a long time, I believed one of these messages had to be right and the other had to be wrong.

Now I think they were both incomplete.

The more important question isn't whether we should work harder or rest more.

It's this:

From what state am I acting today?

Over the last two and a half years, I've learned countless lessons.

I've spent an enormous amount of time working on myself.

I wrote books and articles.

I created videos.

I consistently showed up on social media.

I did the inner work.

I learned how to regulate emotions that, for years, had felt impossible to hold.

That kind of work takes energy.

A lot of it.

Eventually, I became exhausted—emotionally and even physically.

Because of my childhood trauma, resisting the urge to explain myself every time someone misunderstood me or spread false stories about me often felt physical.

As if someone were striking my bare back with a whip.

No wonder I became tired.

During that time, people kept giving me completely different advice.

Some insisted that discipline was everything.

Others told me I needed to rest first and only create once I felt restored.

Eventually, I noticed something about myself.

For me, it feels far healthier to fill myself up before I create than to force myself to produce something from emptiness.

That realization changed everything.

Not every pause comes from fear.

Sometimes a pause simply means we're meeting a need.

Rest is not always avoidance.

Sometimes it's self-love.

And learning to love myself has probably been one of the greatest gifts of my twin flame journey.

If you rest so you can recover and return to life fully, that's one thing.

If you postpone your dreams because fear is making the decisions, that's something entirely different.

If you work because you're overflowing with inspiration, that's one thing.

If you work only because you believe you're not enough otherwise, that's another.

To me, that distinction matters far more than any universal advice ever could.

For years, I believed there were only two ways to live.

Either I was productive...

Or I was lazy.

Either I was helping people...

Or I was selfish.

Either I was constantly creating...

Or I was wasting time.

There was no middle ground.

And I think many people on a healing journey unknowingly fall into exactly the same trap.

The strange thing is...

I genuinely love creating.

I love writing.

I love helping people.

I love sharing the realizations that completely change the way I see life.

But I also love sleeping.

I love quiet mornings.

I love disappearing from social media for a while.

Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone except my own body.

I love giving myself permission to do absolutely nothing.

I'm not ashamed to spend an entire day in bed or soaking in a hot bath with a cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate if that's genuinely what I need.

And thankfully, my family has always treated those needs with understanding.

I love them for that.

For a long time, these parts of me seemed to contradict each other.

Until I realized...

They don't.

People often say,

"Don't burn yourself out."

They're right.

Other people say,

"Don't hide behind healing forever. At some point you have to live your life."

They're right too.

The problem is that we often turn good advice into rigid rules.

And life rarely works that way.

I've noticed something else about myself.

I rarely create because I force myself to.

Most of my articles and videos appear after something inside me finally becomes clear.

An insight arrives.

A pattern suddenly makes sense.

A piece of my childhood connects with something happening in my life today.

Only then do I create.

Not because I have to.

Because I can't *not* create.

That doesn't mean I wait forever for motivation.

It means I respect my own rhythm.

Recently, I asked myself another question.

What if resting and creating aren't opposites?

What if rest is part of the creative process?

What if sleeping isn't taking me away from my purpose...

But bringing me back to it?

That question changed something inside me.

I also realized why contradictory advice affected me so deeply.

When someone said,

"You need to do more,"

I didn't hear encouragement.

I heard,

"You are not enough."

When someone said,

"Slow down,"

I didn't hear permission.

I heard,

"Maybe you're doing life wrong again."

The advice wasn't the real problem.

The filter through which I received it was.

As a child, I learned that being accepted often depended on proving myself.

Explaining myself.

Convincing people.

Doing enough.

So even today, my nervous system can easily mistake guidance for judgment.

Healing is slowly changing that.

Now I ask myself different questions.

Not,

"Am I doing enough?"

And not,

"Am I resting enough?"

Instead, I ask,

"What is the most honest thing I need today?"

Sometimes the answer is,

"Write the article."

Sometimes it's,

"Take a nap."

Sometimes it's,

"Go for a walk."

Sometimes it's,

"Close the laptop."

None of those answers make me more spiritual.

None of them make me more worthy.

They simply make me human.

I don't think we're here to choose between our purpose and ourselves.

I think we're here to discover they were never enemies.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for the world...

Is finally getting some sleep.

Because the version of you that creates from fullness will always give more than the version of you that creates from exhaustion.

I've stopped trying to decide whether I should always do more...

Or always slow down.

Instead, I'm learning to trust something much quieter.

My own rhythm.

And maybe...

That's what putting yourself first was meant to look like all along.

—

yourrrr_soul

Author of Under My Skin

Twin Flames | Healing | Inner Union | Self-Worth

Instagram: @yourrrr_soul

Only official account: @yourrrr_soul